A photographer’s experience with family documentary photography

As my own kiddos are growing up, I’m feeling the pangs of the “lasts”, particularly with my youngest son. It seems that time is relentlessly speeding up, and everything is all-of-a-sudden. So much flashes from “almost” to “all done”. Out of nowhere, the tiny newborn became a chubby baby. All of a sudden, he was weaned from nursing and scooting across the floor. Where did my baby go? I thought I had more time to soak in these moments and details.

As I reflected, I realized that this impossible stage of motherhood… it’s shifting. I’m getting further away from those endless late night wakings and feedings, and the heavy neediness of tiny babies. My boys are eager to demonstrate their capability and independence – and one day they won’t need me like this. This will all be just a memory.

Photographer Rebecca Walsh and I talked about a family documentary photography session that would take place in my home during the holiday season. I am so passionate about being present for my children and in our family’s visual history (regardless of my weight or insecurities), and I jumped at the chance to document this season of our life together.

Believe it or not, one of the FIRST THINGS I said to Rebecca as we planned the session was a list of my objections/worries. My house isn’t beautiful. I’m fat. I don’t know if there’s enough light. It’s like I couldn’t even HELP myself, even though “I know better”.

Rebecca was perfect, as I knew she would be. She kindly heard me out and provided all the same reassurances I provide to my own clients. She was confident that all of my worries would melt away when I saw the moments.

And goodness, she was right.

We spent about two hours together that morning. I was thoughtful about what I wanted captured. I kept to our “normal” things – I didn’t want manufactured, untrue images. I shifted a couple of things around to take place while she was with us, but they are accurate to our real life. She didn’t change anything or direct/pose us. She just chatted, enjoyed our company, and followed us throughout our home. We barely noticed she was photographing – she was a friend over for a visit.

Can I be really real? I didn’t even get a chance to shower that morning. #momlife, amiright? Second day hair, slept-in makeup… but I decided not to freak out or stress. This is our real life right now. Rarely getting my hair and makeup done at the same time or on the same day. Not having the time or energy to have a spotlessly clean or decorated house… but absolutely having the energy to be present with my children. 

 We often create fun things to play with in our house. Play dough, salt dough, sensory rice, you name it. I enjoy having something hands on and kid friendly that they can be involved with. Messes are a part of it. Kids learn by doing, and nothing is perfect the first time.

 Our kitchen isn’t glamorous or perfectly remodeled… but it’s OURS. It was a long road to get to this house. Before this, we were in a cramped, dim, low quality apartment (with no joke – 3 windows total). So to us? This kitchen is all sorts of amazing. I have a feeling that so many memories will be made here. I love that I can see bits of our real life on the counters. How tall James is compared to the counters. The way the light floods the space.

 We often take time to read and cuddle/play on our big bed. It’s ridiculous how important “nothing” is. There are no flashy toys or expensive décor that make these moments important. It’s time. I love the giggles and laughs and hugs and playing and just being with each other. I’m so thankful to have that connection captured.

 I have given these boys pretty much every bath they’ve ever had. I love bath time. It’s full of fun, quiet connection, and usually winding down before bedtime. I knew that I wanted to capture this specific routine, because one day soon – I won’t be giving baths. These kids will be able to take care of that themselves, and these days will just be a memory. We’ve developed a routine, and silly little things that James does every time we have a bath. These pictures hit my heart in the most real, lovestruck way. I adore that you can see the love that we have for each other in these images. Rebecca gave me a gift that I could never ever put a price on. Seeing my motherhood from outside my own tired, frazzled, guilt-filled, worried perspective.

 Motherhood is all so much. The ups and downs, sacrifices, exhaustion, guilt, doubt… and the joy, laughter, love, growth, and amazement as well. So much of the early years are just making it through and finding your way. These details pass so quickly, and without warning – they’ve melted into a new season of life. The good old days are gone before you’ve realized you were in them.

 I am moved beyond words by these images. They strike at the very heart of who I am and want to be as a woman and mother, and they give me hope. That even in the middle of those doubts and fears… I’m doing something right.